You cannot be there every hour
Families often try to maintain a continuous presence, sleeping in cars and corridors. It is understandable and it is not sustainable, and it does not change the clinical outcome.
The unit is staffed continuously. Your relative is not alone when you are not there. Go home, sleep, eat properly, and come back able to think clearly and take in what you are told.
Share the load
Rotate visits between family members. Let people who offer help do something concrete: meals, childcare, transport, managing work. Vague offers are hard to accept, so give people a specific task.
Keep one notebook. Write down what you are told, the dates, the names of who told you, and your questions for next time. It will be more use than your memory.
The practical things worth doing early
- Understand the cost position early rather than at discharge, and ask the finance desk directly
- Notify employers, both the patient's and your own, sooner rather than later
- Gather documents: identification, HMO cards, previous medical records
- Arrange childcare and school communication in advance rather than day by day
- Decide who is telling the wider family and on what schedule, so you are not repeating the same news twenty times a day
This will affect you afterwards
Anxiety, poor sleep, intrusive thoughts and low mood are common in families of intensive care patients, and they frequently persist after the patient goes home. This is a recognised pattern, not a personal weakness.
Talk to someone. Family, a religious leader, your own doctor, or a counsellor. Getting support is not a sign that you are failing to cope. It is how people cope.